her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
