Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You took a bar mat shot.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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