I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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