he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
