Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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