there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
