I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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