Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
