please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
