I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
