wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
