I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
