I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
