Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
