Please, let me fuck your mom
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
