I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So apparently I’m into choking now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
