Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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