I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize