my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
