Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
