I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it's great music for shaving your balls
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
