Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
