Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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