he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
