not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
