she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
