Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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