I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
