the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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