Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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