If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
