the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
try to milk me bitch
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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