9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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