hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Randomize
