you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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