If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
