if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
