you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
