i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
