if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize