Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
