I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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