So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
