I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
