I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
