In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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