when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
