It's Friday. Sex?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
