you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
