Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
