I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
