You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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