chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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