How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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