She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
