Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
