Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
