just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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