1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize