I wish I could teleport
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
