I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
