Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
