is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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