Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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