I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
