hotel room ftw
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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