It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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