My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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