matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
